Restoration and Release

Two weeks ago, I saw this on a sign at a store, and I lost it. It spoke right to my heart. 

I've spent hours on my knees, begging God to remove him from my heart. I've prayed to have my memory wiped clean. But its true, you can't forget someone who was such a huge part of your life. That's how it should be. Someday, I will be able to look back at the happy times and smile. I can't just erase the last 15 years of my life and I don't want to. If I did, it would be as if I was saying I just wasted the last 15 years of my life. For now, those memories are safely tucked away.

This weekend, my ladies church group went to a cabin for a few nights. Our theme was 1 Peter 5:10

Restoration. 

My soul has longed for that. 

Peace.

My heart has yearned for that. 

Rejuvenation.

My spirit has desired that.

Joy.

My mind has wished for that.

Release

My soul has cried for that. 

This is one of those moments were words utterly fail me. I can not describe the peace my soul has found. I am a new person, healed by the blood of the Lamb. 

My God, my Savior, my Jesus has healed me. 

Friday night, during prayer and worship, I knew it was time to let go. To give it all to God. The pain of betrayal, the broken pieces of my heart; I laid it all at His feet. Every last bit of it. Then, I wrote a final goodbye letter, and I watched it burn. I completely emptied myself to make room for God to take full control. I am His.

Jesus has carried me safely in His arms. As I continue to rest under His loving care, I realize I am ready to start walking on my own. I still cling to Him daily. I always will. He will remain the very breath I breathe. But because of His strength, His love, His grace, I am ready to stand on my own again. I can't express the joy this gives me. To know that He has been my Protector, my Provider, my constant Companion and Champion. In my darkest nights, He remained my one true Light.

Sweet release filled my soul. Joy was restored to my heart. For the first time in months, I am honestly and sincerely happy, 

He has always been with me. Through every high and every low, He has never left my side. I would have been lost without Him. I can praise His name forever, but it will never be enough. I fall short of His glory and His mercy, and yet He still loves me endlessly. God is always faithful.