Running

I'm not sure how to start this post. I want to brag about my success, but the truth is, it had an ugly beginning. But I feel like I need to share my story in hopes of helping others. 

When my ex left, it hit me hard. I did my best to put on a happy face, but inside, I was dying. I stopped eating and instead, just did what I felt I could do in survival mode. For 6 weeks, I continued to spiral downward. One night, I finally hit rock bottom. I was sitting in my tub, and all I could think about was slitting my wrists. I was desperate to feel something, anything else, besides the breaking of my heart. I couldn't take it anymore. 

At that moment, all I could do was say the name of Jesus. For an hour, I cried to Him, saying His name over and over. I was too scared to move, afraid I would follow my thoughts. I sat there until the water was well past cold before I felt like I could trust myself. I have no doubt God saved my life that night. 

I had been in counseling, but decided I didn't need it anymore. That was just two weeks before this happened. At this point, I realized how bad it was and I told a friend. I also saw my doctor about a prescription for anti-depressants, but in the end, I decided I didn't want to numb the pain, I wanted to heal from it, so I never filled the prescription.

I can't even remember what started it, but one night, I decided to run. I have been walking several nights a week for over a year, but I felt the urge to run. It wasn't far, but I ran. The next night, I ran a little further. 

Anyone who knows me will tell you, I don't run. But running has done a few things for me. Those first few weeks, I'd run until it hurt. I had found a way to feel something else, without harming myself. Running has also shown me I can do hard things. I celebrate each small victory. Running for 10 minutes straight, then 20, and 30. Running for a mile straight, then a mile and a half, than 2 miles. Each time, I realize, I can do this.

Earlier this spring, a friend convinced me to try Isagenix. I was ready for a change, so I decided to give it a try. I got my started kit in the mail and took my measurements. That was in June. After that, I put the tape measure away and didn't get it back out. I'd hop on the scale from time to time, but not often.

So I was quite surprised one day when I realized my pants were literally falling off of me. I hopped on the scale and I was down 25 pounds. I'm sure a good portion of this was from when I wasn't eating. But I am now eating a little better and exercising regularly. 

Last month, I decided to do my measurements again. I'm holding the tape measure at where my stomach used to be. I didn't add up the final total, but I've lost several inches overall.

A few weeks ago, I decided to bag up all of my old clothes and give them to a friend. But first, I decided to try on my largest pair of jeans. Since taking this picture, I've actually gone down another pant size.

 Running has become my therapy. My body craves it on the good days and the bad. I've set a goal to run a 5k next year. I've done 5k's in the past, but I walked the majority of them. This time, I want to run one, from start to finish. 

I continually amaze myself at my progress. When I run on the treadmill, I will walk for 5 minutes, which is about .28 of a mile. At that point, I like to put a towel over the screen and run. To distract myself, I count to 1000. I've gradually built up so that I can run for 30 minutes solid. But on Friday, I decided to give it my very best and see how far I could get.

I made it to 4000 and decided to keep going. At 4500, I told myself I could make it to 5000. Right as I hit that point, but before I could reach the button to adjust the speed, the treadmill slowed down. It had hit 60 minutes and switched to cool down mode. So after I had done my 5 minute walk warm up, I had been running for 55 minutes! When you take out the .28 miles at a walk, I had been running for 4 miles. I decided to go for a full hour and I adjusted the cool down time up 5 minutes.

I can't believe how far I have come. I give God all the glory. I never would've made it this far without His strength, peace and comfort. In September, I thought I no longer wanted to live. Now, I awake each morning, full of His Joy and Glory.