Deciding on a divorce was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't understand how someone can just walk away after 15 years. I'd have days where I felt like I should hold out and see if we could work things out. But those thought always led to panic attacks. Then I would have days where I felt like I needed to do everything I could to protect myself and file for divorce. As much as I hated those thoughts, they always led to peace.
I hated being the one to end my marriage. But I now realize that he was the one that ended it when he decided to start dating online. He didn't leave until July, but the second he started his secret, online life, he had already checked out of our marriage. I also realized that even though he asked for the divorce, he would never follow through on it. He was already living his new life, but I was the one that would remained tied down.
I spent hours in prayer trying to find the right answer. I felt like if I was the one that filed, God would be mad at me. But then I read in the Mathew chapter 5 and I knew it was okay. I did the very best I could to save my marriage and God knew that. He knew my heart and He knew the pain I was going through.
God's timing is always perfect. Within the hour I had made the decision to follow through with the divorce, He sent me an angel through a friend at work. She had seen this bracelet and thought of me. She helped affirm my answer that even though I have no idea what lies ahead of me, I need not fear because God is always with me.